Games of Trust
by Louiseifer
Summary: It is but months before that fateful Halloween night, and Sirius Black is on the trail of Remus Lupin's mysterious blond-haired lover
1. The Stray Marauder

Games of Trust  
  
Notes: This is probably not set in the same Universe as New Depths, but if you want to imagine it is, that's no skin off my nose. It will probably be one of my darkest fics, because it involves a fully-fledged Lucius Malfoy rather than the slightly diluted schoolboy version which featured in ND. I really wish ff.net would invent a rating between PG-13 and R, because this (and New Depths) is neither of those and belongs somewhere in the middle. I am also aware that ff.net doesn't approve of a lot of my formatting, but I'm sure you can figure it all out.  
  
. . .  
  
Chapter One  
  
The night was dark, but not pitch black. This, Lucius Malfoy thought, was a very un-poetic end to a good day. However there was a gibbous moon which would be full by the end of the week. This made Lucius smile slightly; maybe the day wasn't over yet after all.  
  
Malfoy Manor was an impressive stone structure on the outskirts of a large village in Wiltshire. The nearby Muggle population thought it was a restricted historical building under the protection of the National trust, which was more than fine from Lucius' point of view. They had nothing to do with him, and he had as little as possible to do with them.  
  
Narcissa Malfoy did not live here, at least not at this time of year. She and Lucius had married and produced their single son on some kind of whim. There was a certain strange love there, but both had their own lives and both lived them with little regard for the other, until they happened to find themselves spending a season in the same home. It was late summer and Narcissa had yet to bring the infant Draco home from their coastal retreat. Lucius would probably spend a month or so being reminded why they had adopted this lifestyle, then head for the city. But until his wife's return, he intended to have a bit of fun.  
  
The Butler let him in and the house elf took his coat and hat. The maid advised him to avoid the conservatory until the goblin nest had been dealt with and the cook told him that dinner would be brought up to him in his library in two hours' time. The manor was bustling with life, but none of it reported the arrival of any visitors. Nonetheless Lucius headed upstairs, pausing to extinguish a few torches. He disliked too much light.  
  
The door to his own room was locked. From the inside. Alone, he allowed himself a smile of anticipation, unsheathed his wand and murmured "allohamora!" Slowly, the door swung open and Lucius strolled inside. It was darker in here than anywhere else, and the air smelled like cinnamon and sex. Yes, he thought. He's here. But where. . .?  
  
The bed was empty, but that would have been predictable. Similarly the wardrobe was devoid of life. Was he getting more imaginative? Lucius tried the connected bathroom and under the bed, peering into every nook and cranny until his gaze fell of the door in the corner. It was one never used by him for various reasons, but there was a handprint in the dust by the doorknob. He grasped the knob, pushed the door open, and stepped out into the chill of the night air.  
  
A figure was perched on the rail around the balcony. It had shoulder-length curls and a slim build. Its cloak blew out behind it, fluttering darkly over the estates below, and in its hands was a single rose. Lucius didn't shut the door; he hated the balcony despite its romantic setting. Unfortunately his visitor did not seem to know this.  
  
The figure slid down from the railing, twirling the flower deftly in his fingers. As he approached Lucius he murmured, "Would you give your throat to the wolf of the red rose?"  
  
Lucius regarded his secret lover with an amused smile. "We've talked about this before, Remus."  
  
The figure wasn't deterred, and handed the rose to Lucius.  
  
"Really, this is more than enough." Lucius flung the rose over the railing and turned back inside the room. With an inaudible sigh, Remus Lupin followed him. "You know I don't like this romantic foolishness," Lucius explained, not for the first time.  
  
"I happen to think meeting in secret like this is very romantic indeed," said Lupin, smiling.  
  
"You know fine well that is for practical purposes."  
  
"Well yes, but – "Lupin began, but he was silenced by Lucius leaning in to kiss him firmly.  
  
"Shut up, Lupin," murmured Lucius, against his lover's lips.  
  
"Whatever you say," came the loyal reply.  
  
Lily Potter watched with a mother's polite yet anxious stare as Sirius Black picked up her son and bounced him playfully on his knee. Sirius had done this a thousand times before and the worst mishap to befall anyone due to this simple game was Sirius' frequent coverings in baby sick; however, Lily was an attentive parent and as much as she loved Sirius she certainly didn't trust him or his reflexes. Harry, oblivious to all this, gurgled happily in his Godfather's arms.  
  
"Okay, it's been an hour and a half," complained Peter Pettigrew from his chair by the fire. "Where the hell is Prongs?"  
  
"Tarting himself up as usual," said Sirius, not taking his eyes off the smiling infant. "Is your daddy a vain old fart? Yes he is, isn't he! Say, 'my daddy is a vain old fart' for me –"  
  
"Sirius!" snapped Lily, trying not to smile. "Give him a few years at least before you train him up as one of your crude, immature cronies. Ah," she added as the living-room door opened. "Here he is."  
  
James Potter ambled into the room, still straightening a loud tie against an even louder shirt. Lily winced at his choice of evening attire, but said nothing. However, she did comment on his new hair-style.  
  
"James Potter, how much of my hairspray have you wasted?"  
  
James grinned at her. "Just enough, love. What do you think? Reckon I'll pull tonight?"  
  
"Not if you want a home tomorrow morning," Lily countered, giving him her most charming smile. James winked at her, and slumped onto the couch beside Sirius.  
  
"You look like a prat, Prongs," said Sirius, wrinkling his nose at his best friend. "Harry, tell daddy he looks like a prat –"  
  
"Are we set then?" asked Peter, standing up. He seemed overly anxious to leave the house, but James put his feet up on the coffee table.  
  
"Nah, of course we aren't, Moony isn't here yet. We can't go Marauding without out werewolf, can we?"  
  
Sirius glared darkly at James, and handed Harry to him. "Remus isn't coming," he said flatly.  
  
"Not coming? Don't be absurd. Like I just said, we can't go –"  
  
"Marauding without our werewolf. I know. But he isn't coming, Prongs." Sirius stared at James' feet, and Lily followed his gaze. She swatted James' boots off the table, and then gave Sirius a concerned look.  
  
"Where is he then?" she asked.  
  
Sirius seemed reluctant to answer, but James was looking curiously at him now. Sirius and Remus were rarely seen without each other – or at least, this had been the case until a few months ago. Since then Remus had become elusive, making appearances at his friends' houses or gatherings in a whimsical manner, and rarely giving an adequate explanation for his absences. James had been almost certain that his friends had formed some kind of romantic relationship until Remus' sudden withdrawal from the group. Maybe they had broken up, James had told himself, but soon the answer had become very clear. As he stared expectantly at Sirius, he knew exactly why Remus was not there tonight.  
  
"He's visiting his mysterious boyfriend," Sirius spat. James nodded once, but Lily scowled deeply.  
  
"Do you know who this person is yet?" she demanded.  
  
Sirius shook his head. "If I knew it wouldn't bother me so much. As it is, he's got me worried."  
  
James shrugged. "He'll come round eventually," he said reasonably. "If this person is so awful he can't be introduced to us, it can only be a matter of time before Remus gets bored and comes back."  
  
"Are you still living with him?" Lily asked gently.  
  
"Of course. When he comes home. When he's not with this mystery man, he's working overtime."  
  
"I didn't know he was working." Lily made a valiant but misguided effort to change the subject away from Remus' love life. "What's he doing now?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I haven't really had the chance to ask him. Something at the Ministry. All I know is, he works for Lucius Malfoy; some paper-pushing job."  
  
"Malfoy?" yelped James, passing Harry quickly to Lily. "Sirius, he's a –"  
  
"No proof, Prongs, remember?"  
  
"He's been seen doing horrific things, Padfoot! And he despises half-breeds - what if he finds out there's a werewolf working for him?"  
  
Sirius managed to look completely unmoved. "Then he'll have to fight Mr Mystery Man for Moony's attention long enough to kill him," he said coldly.  
  
The atmosphere in the room had gone very stale. Lily glanced at her husband and their friends, all of whom seemed lost in thought. Suddenly she stood up and passed Harry to peter, who was still hovering by the fireplace.  
  
"Who wants a cup of tea before you leave?" she asked, forcing a cheerful smile onto her face.  
  
"No, Lils," sighed James. "We'd better go." He stood up and dragged Sirius up with him, took his son from Peter, hugged him, and handed him back to Lily, who finally put him down in his play-pen. Harry waved happily at them as they got ready to leave, and James had to force a grin. He patted the miserable Sirius on the shoulder, kissed Lilly, and led the way outdoors.  
  
It was now as close to genuine pitch black as is physically possible, but Remus Lupin didn't notice. He had excellent night vision, and his senses of smell and hearing made up for any slight problems with his sight. This close to full moon, his already astonishing senses were amplified tenfold, and this had the unexpected advantage of making sexual encounters all the more enjoyable. A relatively unknown fact about werewolves, Remus had told Lucius a while ago, is that not only does the mate-for-life rule bare no weight at all, but a werewolf is far more promiscuous than the average human, with an enhanced sexual appetite around the time of the full moon. Only when they find their soul mate do they settle down into a steady routine, and until then they could be unpredictable and dangerous. Of course, this wasn't one hundred percent true, but Remus knew Lucius and he had a keen sense of exactly what to say to him. Lupin was not stupid, and he knew fine well that Lucius had a similar skill with him. On the other hand, Lupin was far from gullible, although he was trusting, loyal and utterly devoted. It certainly wasn't his fault if Lucius believed whatever he said about werewolves.  
  
Remus lay there staring up at the ceiling as he listened to Lucius moving around in the bathroom. The shower turned on then off again after barely a minute, and Lucius appeared in the doorway.  
  
"Shower?" he offered. Remus glanced at him and shook his head. Lucius shrugged and slid back into bed. Remus ran his fingers over his still-wet torso.  
  
"Ever heard of towels?"  
  
"I like water." Lucius shook out his hair then leaned back onto the pillows. He seemed to Remus to be lost somewhere between reptilian and feline; his mannerisms combined the solitary tiger and the lethargic basking snake. His hair hung over his shoulders like a lion's mane, and a lizard-quick tongue flickered over his dry lips as he stared up at Remus. Lazily, he reached out and grasped Remus' chin in his fingers.  
  
"So pretty," he murmured, and returned the werewolf's shy smile with a predatory one. "You're being wasted, you know. I could get you a proper job and-"  
  
"Don't," said Remus quickly. "You said you wouldn't do this any more."  
  
Lucius looked surprised. "I was only saying that –"  
  
"I know what you were only saying, and I know what you were only building up to. We've got the agreement, and it's worked fine so far. Don't spoil it, please."  
  
The agreement had indeed worked up to a point. Lucius had no intention of sticking to it forever though; it basically said that Remus wouldn't betray Lucius to the Ministry of Magic if Lucius kept up his side of the bargain. His side consisted of a promise not to persist in attempting to recruit Remus as a servant of Lord Voldemort. It was a fragile agreement bound only by sexual attraction and a mutual fascination, but the balance had been kept so far by equally mutual bloody mindedness.  
  
"Of course, the alternative offer is always open," Lupin added. "Should you wish to change your ways."  
  
Lucius growled faintly. "You know that's not going to happen," he snapped. Moving to press Remus down on the bed. "You're the only one who actually knows me, did you realise that?" he asked, climbing on top of the werewolf. "I've been completely honest with you. You know what I am, and you know I'm not going to change, but you also know that a Death Eater isn't all I am." He paused to take Remus' nipple in his teeth, waited until he had evoked the desired yelp of mixed pain and pleasure, before he released the skin and grinned. "I'm a fantastic lover, for a start."  
  
"No argument there," gasped Remus, his fingers working themselves into Lucius' hair and pulling him in for a deep kiss. Lucius pressed himself down against the lean body beneath him. Remus dragged his nails down Lucius' back, but the blond was, as always, able to hold his own against the werewolf no matter how close to full moon it might be. He sank his teeth into the nape of Remus' neck and drew back moments before he tasted blood on his lips.  
  
"Shit!" the smaller man yelped. "What are you, a vampire?"  
  
"Don't think so." Lucius had no choice but to dab the blood away with the sheet, but when Remus tried to push him off he pressed him back against the bed. It wasn't long before Remus gave up any form of resistance; it wasn't worth the effort and ultimately life was much easier that way.  
  
"You all right Sirius? Going to drink that?"  
  
Sirius peered up at James from under the curtain of jet black hair around his face. "Huh?" he said.  
  
"That. Drinking. Are you?" James' face creased with concern for his friend. They had been in the pub for three hours and Sirius was still staring glumly at his second drink. James was distinctly unhappy with tonight; it was supposed to be the Marauders' monthly get-together. The four of them had their own lives now, but no one wanted to lose touch, so they made sure they met up at least once a month. The truth was they usually met up a lot more than once a month, but these evenings were purely for pleasure purposes. No one was supposed to be upset or angry or depressed. But tonight was a shamble: Remus hadn't bothered to make an appearance and Sirius was down in the dumps. James and Peter had spent a lot of time playing darts and reminiscing, but the storm cloud that was Sirius' mood hung over them the entire evening. Eventually they both turned to stare at him.  
  
"I'm fine," said Sirius.  
  
"That's the only thing you've said in the past hour and a half," snapped James. "Look," he added in a softer tone. "I know you're pissed off that Remus isn't here, but really, you are allowed to enjoy yourself. Unless there's something you want to talk to us about. . ." he added tactfully.  
  
Sirius stared at him and picked up his glass. He drank deeply from it, then once it was drained, set it back on the table. "I'll need a few more of these first," he said. Once James and Peter and filled the table with full glasses of beer, and Sirius had started working his way through them, James questioned him again.  
  
"So what's the matter?"  
  
Sirius pretended to rearrange his hair, then planted his hands down on the table and made sure all his fingers were evenly spaced out. James glared at him. Peter tried to mimic James. Both were exceedingly intimidating.  
  
"All right," Sirius sighed. "It's Remus. I can't stand him keeping this big secret from us; I thought he'd gotten over all that secrecy!"  
  
James glanced sideways at Peter, who shrugged. Sirius picked up another glass and began to drink from it noisily.  
  
"I don't think that's all there is to it," said James.  
  
"Give me a chance," snapped Sirius. He slammed down the glass and started on another. Eventually he put it down and stared blearily at James. The alcohol had obviously rushed straight to his head.  
  
"You," said Sirius, waving a finger at James. "You're my bestest friend. Always will be. I love you, man."  
  
James smiled at him. "Love you too, Siri. In a purely platonic way."  
  
"Yes. Exactly. That's how we are, mate." Here, Sirius paused to take another long drink. "Even though," he continued, "you know what I'm like. If you catch my wave."  
  
"I get your drift, yes."  
  
Sirius nodded. "You're a married man, Jim, and I'm never going to have that. Never ever. What with not being especially attracted to those of a female nature and that whole thing. You an' me, we're good mates. The best. But just mates."  
  
James nodded. "I'm sure Lily will be especially glad to hear that."  
  
"Yeah. But, you see, Jim, you see. There might be, within our little group of purely platonic friends, someone I don't see as all that plato-ish. Do you see what I'm getting at?"  
  
James nodded again, but Peter looked thoroughly lost. Sirius stared at him.  
  
"What I'm tryin' to say, albeit with less'an my usual fluency, is that there's someone who means a lot to me. I mean you mean a lot to me, Peter mate, and James does too, what with being my bestest friend and someone I love completely in a nonsexual but adoring and devoted fashion. . ." he stopped there and seemed to go back over everything he'd just said in his head. He opened his mouth again, looked confused, and closed it. He looked imploringly at James for help.  
  
"He's saying he fancies Moony."  
  
Peter's eyes widened in sudden and relieved comprehension. "Oh," he said. "Well everyone knows that."  
  
Sirius gaped at him. James reached out and gently pushed his chin up to close his mouth, but Sirius didn't take his eyes off Peter.  
  
"Who," he growled, "exactly, is everyone?"  
  
Peter squirmed. "Well. . .Me and James. . ."  
  
"Oh, you're in on it too!" Sirius rounded on James, who held his hands up in defence. "Platonic love of your life!" he yelped. "You can't kill me! Even if I do know your deepest darkest secret."  
  
"That's not my –"Sirius began, then decided against finishing that sentence. "I mean, you KNEW I've been in love with Remus all this time? And you never said anything?"  
  
James nodded. "Sorry, Padfoot. . .We just didn't want to interfere or anything. Actually I thought you two were getting jiggy behind our backs, but apparently that's not right. . .is it?"  
  
"No," snapped Sirius sourly. "I'd be a happier man if it was true. But apparently he prefers Mr E to me."  
  
"Mr. . .?" said James, then "Oh. Well, maybe he just doesn't know you like him."  
  
"He's the only one then."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
"Quite."  
  
James stared long and hard at his friend. He had never seen Sirius looking so miserable. Depressed wasn't a normal mood for Sirius, who was usually the one bouncing on other people and telling them to cheer up. At the moment, he looked thoroughly dejected; his eyes were red-rimmed and his bottom lip was wobbling dangerously. Peter patted Sirius nervously on the shoulder, while James decided to get some more drinks in. When he returned with another round, Sirius seemed to have recovered a little and was flicking peanuts at the backside of a barmaid, who was bent over a table to clean it. None of them hit their target, which was highly unusual for Sirius. James picked up a peanut, tossed it up and down a couple of times, then flicked it. The barmaid yelped and straightened up, turning to glare at them. James put on his innocent face and jerked his thumb accusingly at Sirius, who murmured something like "Sorry miss," then went back to his drink. The barmaid flicked her hair and moved on to the next table.  
  
"You could have had her," said James matter-of-factly.  
  
"I didn't want her, you plank."  
  
"You've never said no to a brief fling with a girl before. You've really got it bad, haven't you?"  
  
Sirius snorted. "Jim, I have not "got it bad". I'm in love. Moony is everything to me, and he's completely forgotten I exist!" The last few words came out as a strangled wail. James reached out and gripped his friend's arm soothingly.  
  
"Shh," he whispered. "Don't get hysterical. We should never have let you drink in this state. Peter, let's get him home. . ."  
  
Together they manhandled Sirius out of the pub and along the road, until they came to the flat Sirius shared with Remus. They helped him inside and up the stairs, and into his bedroom. Sirius deposited himself onto the bed and promptly fell asleep, but James was gazing in astonished awe at the walls and surfaces, all of which were covered in moving, smiling, waving photos, all of the same brown-haired, blue-eyed wizard. 


	2. Durm and Strang

Notes: Thanks to all reviewers of chapter one, especially those reading in the wake of New Depths. There's obviously more Remus/Lucius fans out there than I anticipated. I'd also like to note that this fic, and ND, is now hosted at Scribble Central's Snape and Malfoy shrine. I don't think I can post the link here, so your best bet is to see Novek Dace's author bio. She might have linked SC there.  
  
. . .  
  
It was hard to tell when morning had come in the chamber of Lucius Malfoy, but Remus noticed the slightly greyer shade to the black when his eyes flickered open after several hours of sleep, and he clambered out of bed. He padded softly to the window and threw open the heavy velvet curtains, bathing the room in bright morning sunlight. In bed, Lucius curled into the foetal position, pulling the covers over his face. Remus climbed back in beside him, and poked him gently until he was rewarded with a disgruntled stare.  
  
"Wstfgl?" said Lucius. He wiped at his eyes and coughed violently, then focused on Remus again. "I said, what the hell are you playing at?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Letting a little light in. I have to go soon, and I wanted to see what I was doing properly."  
  
"You're a werewolf. Use your X-ray vision."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't have X-ray vision, Lucius. I have night vision, but it's not perfect. Besides, it's no good long-distance."  
  
"Hence the glasses. . .I did wonder."  
  
Remus nodded, adjusting his spectacles on the bridge of his nose. "Long- sighted," he explained. Lucius gave him a withering glare, then lay down again.  
  
"Go back to sleep," he muttered.  
  
"I can't, I told you."  
  
"Oh. Well then." Lucius slid a hand round Remus' waist, but it was batted away again. Too tired to argue, Lucius nestled against the pillows and watched Remus collecting up his crumpled clothing. Once he was fully dressed, he leaned over the bed and kissed his lover lingeringly. Neither of them was sure exactly what they felt for the other, but a kiss was a kiss and Lucius, as usual, responded hungrily. Remus managed to prise himself away, offered the blond a faint smile, and disapparated out of the Malfoys' estate.  
  
A fraction of a second later, there was a crack as Remus appeared in the middle of his own kitchen. Unfortunately, this was also where the table was located, and he sprawled over it, scattering Sirius' breakfast and the morning's Daily Prophet.  
  
"Watch it!" Sirius yelped, jumping back to avoid getting covered in hot tea. Remus pushed the hair out of his eyes and grinned apologetically.  
  
"Sorry, Padfoot. I never really did get the hang of this apparating lark."  
  
"You're not supposed to do it without a license. You know that."  
  
Remus jumped off the table and helped himself to a slice of toast. "Now who's Mr Law-abiding?" he teased. "What? Not the illegal animagi!"  
  
Sirius glared groggily at his flatmate, whose grin faded. Remus pulled up a chair and sat down heavily.  
  
"What's the matter, Sirius?"  
  
"Meh."  
  
Remus stared as Sirius took a shaky sip from his teacup, then rushed to the sink to vomit the mouthful back up again. Remus was at his side in a bound, placing a comforting arm around his trembling shoulders and getting ready to support him if he threw up again. Thankfully there was nothing else to be expelled violently from Sirius' system, and Remus helped him back to his chair.  
  
"Long night?" asked the werewolf, smiling faintly.  
  
"Yeah. All bloody James' fault. We were pissed off you weren't there," Sirius added, glancing at Remus with a spiteful glint in his eye. "Rather ruined the Marauders' Night Out, only having three Marauders there. And not even all of the most fun ones."  
  
Remus gave him a stern stare. "Be nice to Peter."  
  
"Yeah well. Where the hell were you all night?"  
  
"You know where I was." Remus had the decency to go red as he spread some jam onto a slice of toast.  
  
"No I don't. All I know is, you were somewhere shagging someone. I'd quite like to know who and where."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Sirius' mouth opened. Then he shut it again. "Because this is my house, and you can't treat it like a hotel!" he snapped eventually.  
  
"But it isn't your house," said Remus simply.  
  
"But it could be! If I bought it and then I could kick you out. I'd get some piece of mind then, maybe."  
  
"Knowing I was, in fact, safely out on the streets you mean?"  
  
Sirius glared. Remus blinked and concentrated on his toast. Truth be told he wasn't in the mood for one of Sirius' hung-over mood swings. He ached and was due at work almost exactly three minutes ago. However, having just been asked to come back to bed by his boss, Remus reasoned that it wouldn't matter if he took half an hour or so to clear his head and get ready. He glanced at Sirius once or twice as he munched his way through several pieces of toast and a large bowl of cornflakes, but not once did the Animagi look up at him. A deep frown creased Remus' brow.  
  
"Padfoot. . ." he began. Sirius rolled his eyes up from the newspaper to stare at him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Have I done something? Something wrong?" Remus sounded almost scared that he had offended Sirius, and the other's expression softened involuntarily.  
  
"Nothing." Sirius shook his head and reached out a hand for Remus', but he stopped himself and picked up the salt instead. Remus stared at the salt, then at the bowl of cereal in front of Sirius, then at his own hand.  
  
"There's something, isn't there?" he persisted.  
  
"Nothing," Sirius repeated. "I just worry about you, that's all. I didn't know where you were all night, anything could have happened and you -"  
  
"Shh!" Remus tried to sooth his friend, as Sirius' voice almost went up an octave. "I was fine, Sirius, really."  
  
"Well at least tell me where you were."  
  
Remus wondered what sort of information he should give. Finally he settled on, "Wiltshire."  
  
"Wiltshire! That's miles away! And Christ – you apparated all that way and you don't even know how!"  
  
Astonished, Remus grabbed his friend's arm. He had never seen Sirius so worked up before. It was almost like being berated by a spouse, which was an unbearably strange thing from Sirius. It was Sirius who had showed him how to apparate years ago, before he had got his own licence, and it was Sirius who went hopping off to Scotland or France or Spain without telling anybody. A terrifying change had come over him recently, and it made Remus' spine tingle to see him like this.  
  
"Sirius, snap out of it," he said firmly. "I don't know what's wrong with you-"  
  
"Of course you do. Nowhere is safe, Moony! Absolutely no where. If you stayed right here under my nose the whole entire time, I'd still worry about you."  
  
Remus' own nose wrinkled. "How do you manage when you leave Lily and James' house?" he muttered. "Oh no, what if they suddenly get attacked by bogeymen!"  
  
"What?" Sirius went to stand up, realised Remus was joking, glared at him, then finally sat down again. "Don't do that!" he snapped.  
  
Remus shrugged. "You're being paranoid, Padfoot. We can all look after ourselves. And now I have to go to work, and so should you."  
  
Sirius watched as his friend tidied away the breakfast things. "Are you coming back tonight?" he asked eventually.  
  
"I don't know. If I'm not I'll send an owl to tell you," he added softly.  
  
"If I don't get an owl, I'll panic," said Sirius, glaring pointedly. "In fact," he added, "Don't you dare apparate. I'll give you a lift. And if you want to go somewhere tonight, I'll take you."  
  
"Don't be ridiculous, I can take myself-" Remus began, but he knew Sirius. There was no point at all in arguing over this. "All right," he sighed. "I'm coming home tonight. Happy?"  
  
Sirius wasn't happy, but he nodded.  
  
. . .  
  
James had a day off work, and Lily never worked Mondays anyway, so today promised to be blissfully lazy. Harry was still sound asleep when James checked on him, so he returned to the living room and his wife, a contented smile on his face. She looked up at him and returned the smile.  
  
"Happy, James?"  
  
He nestled down on the sofa next to her, and drew her into his arms. "Blissfully. It's been a quiet month, hasn't it?"  
  
She nodded. "Let's not get complacent though. You Know Who could be simply rallying his forces and-"  
  
"Shh." James pressed a finger against Lily's lips. "No talk of that, not today."  
  
She sighed and leaned against his chest. He wrapped his arms protectively around her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "It's all going to be okay," he murmured. "This time next year, we'll be the ones with the upper- hand, and we'll send You Know Who packing. I promise you. And then we can sit back safely and watch Harry growing up, and maybe he'd like a brother or sister. Then we can buy a bigger house with an enormous tree in the garden."  
  
She smiled. "Always the enormous tree. Why is that?"  
  
"Well I never had a swing and I think every father should make his children a swing. But I need a bloody big tree first."  
  
Lily laughed out loud, and James pulled her tighter to him. He was scarcely sure if he believed his own words, and he knew that she did not. But they comforted both of them, and simply being here in each other's arms was enough for today. He knew well enough why Sirius was paranoid; his best friend's work took him all over the place, and Sirius had seen more deaths and curses at the hands of Death Eaters than James had hexed Severus Snape, which was a considerable amount. Sirius had always been protective over his friends, even when it was him leading them astray, and now the danger was real and he had seen it, he had gone into overdrive. James had been the first target of Sirius' obsessed overprotection, but Lily had had words with him about decency and privacy and respect for other people's space, and he had eventually left them alone. Remus had become the new target, and his adoration for the werewolf only amplified his defensive urges.  
  
"James?" Lily murmured, prying his hands away from her. "I'd do almost anything for a cup of tea." She gave him a smile, and batted playfully at him until he groaned and stood up.  
  
"I'm going to get you a house elf for you birthday, Lily. That way I'll be able to cultivate my beer belly without interference."  
  
He ambled into the kitchen, then moments later ambled back out again. Lily looked up at him expectantly.  
  
"Tea?" she asked.  
  
"Wizard," said James, and beckoned her into the kitchen, where Professor Dumbledore was seated at the table sipping tea.  
  
"Oh hello, headmaster," said Lily, hastily pulling her dressing gown tightly around herself. "We weren't expecting you," she added, blushing.  
  
Dumbledore peered at her gravely from behind his spectacles as James handed her a mug of tea. "No," he said. "I should hope not. No one would expect this kind of news."  
  
Lily glanced at James, who shrugged. Dumbledore set down his teacup and patted the table.  
  
"James, sit down. And Lily, go and get Harry. Bring him here to me."  
  
Without another word, they obeyed. James sat opposite Dumbledore, and shifted nervously until Lily was back by his side. He took Harry from her and they both stared at Dumbledore. He cleared his throat.  
  
"I am afraid you two will have to leave this place," he said gravely. "I realise-" and here he paused to tug his beard out of Harry's grasp. "I realise that You Know Who hasn't been seen or heard of for some time. But this is because he has been working on you two. He did not know where you were, but now he has found you. He knows where you live."  
  
Lily let out an audible gasp, and James grabbed her hand, holding Harry close to him. "You're not serious?" he whispered, glancing at the window.  
  
"Don't do that," groaned Lily. "You'll start turning into Sirius."  
  
"Sirius has every reason to be scared," said Dumbledore seriously. "You have to leave here. Gather up everything you'll need and I'll meet you back here in an hour."  
  
Moments later, Lily and James were alone again. They stood in the middle of the kitchen floor and stared at one another, stunned. After weeks of calm in their usually chaotic lives, this sudden change was almost completely unexpected. James struggled to keep his grip on Harry, who was wriggling furiously for his freedom. Nothing happened; James' mind was a complete blank. He didn't know what to do. He wife was staring desperately at him and his son was starting to wail, but it wasn't until a tear broke free and ran down Lily's cheek that James' brain snapped into gear.  
  
"Right," he said, hefting Harry up and resting him on his hip, a technique learned after months of watching Lily do it with ease. "What do we need?" he asked, and started towards the living room.  
  
But Lily stood her ground. James stopped in front of her, staring questioningly.  
  
"I am not going anywhere, James Potter!" she snapped. James looked frantic.  
  
"But he's coming! He knows where we are! I have to get you and Harry out of here, now-"  
  
"I'm not an invalid." Lily snatched her son and went to put him down on the sofa. James trotted after her. "I can look after myself. Maybe it's you who needs to run away, but not me!"  
  
James grabbed her arm as she tried to stomp back into the kitchen. "It's not running away, Lils, it's saving our skins! Now, I'm going to get Remus and Sirius round here, they'll help-"  
  
"Help me knock some sense into you, yes." Lily folded her arms. "Where's the man I married, James? He wouldn't run away! He'd stand his ground and defend what's his!"  
  
"I'm trying to defend you-"  
  
"Not ME! I mean all this. Our house, our lives, what we have here and now. I'm not going to drop it all and run away, and neither are you."  
  
They both stood their grounds, locked in a stalemate. But there was as much chance of either of them giving way of their own free will as the world deciding it would rather turn the other way today. James knew this, and his logical conclusion was to give in before Lily completely lost her temper.  
  
"All right," he sighed. "We'll stay." 


	3. Uncovered

Notes: Okay, this one gets rather graphic towards the end. I chickened away from all the really gross details, but you get to see Sirius and Remus in new ultra-kinky-uber colour. This chapter is especially for Polkat, whether she likes it or not.  
  
. . . . . ..  
  
Sirius worked down the street from the Ministry of Magic Headquarters, and today it occurred to him to walk down once he had finished for the day and meet Remus, whose day ended half an hour after his. He walked through London with a rather more casual air than anywhere else, because at this point London was more or less safe from attack. Voldemort could not yet reveal himself to such large numbers of Muggles, who would undoubtedly prove extremely inconvenient to him once they began to fight back. He was dressed in muggle clothing; jeans and a black polo-neck jumper. He was keen on blending right in amongst the non-magical population, and he knew exactly how to do it too, so that occasionally he cursed loudly about the state of the roads and how no one was funding public services enough and the bloody pigeons defecating everywhere, such a bloody nuisance, should be shot. Thankfully for him, madmen also blend in very well in London.  
  
He stomped through the corridors of the Ministry building until he found an information point, leaned heavily on it and demanded to know where he could find Remus Lupin. After that he trod quietly and sensibly. Most wizards recognised him and greeted him, but he wasn't in the mood for familiarity. He wanted to find Remus, take him home, and do these things with little or, preferably, no interference. But the building was massive, and it was almost five thirty before he found the block of offices where he was told he would find Remus. Some more stomping about, and he found a sign on the wall of a corridor:  
  
Department of Dark Magic Awareness: Lucius Malfoy.  
  
Underneath were the names of some underlings, including Remus'. Sirius followed the corridor until he got caught in the stream of witches and wizards leaving. He searched the crowds for Remus, but couldn't find him. Once the hall was clear again, he resumed his venture into the department until he spotted a couple of shadowy figures in the distance. He froze and watched as the tallest of the pair wrapped the other in an embrace, but moments later he was pushed playfully away. Sirius rolled his eyes, and slipped into an empty office cubicle as the taller headed towards him along the corridor. As he passed by, Sirius instantly recognised him; it was, of course, Lucius Malfoy. Sirius wrinkled his nose, then continued his journey up the corridor until the second wizard involved in the romantic moment came into focus.  
  
"Sirius! What're you doing here?"  
  
Remus looked flustered, but Sirius tried to keep his cool. Maybe he hadn't seen what he thought he'd seen? He knew he was becoming paranoid, maybe he had imagined that kiss between Remus and Malfoy?  
  
"Came to meet you," he said, glancing involuntarily down the corridor. Remus followed his gaze.  
  
"Um," he said. "I take it you saw-"  
  
Sirius nodded, trying his best to fight the urge to make a scene. Instead he turned on his heels and walked away. Remus strode after him, but he did not turn around or acknowledge the werewolf in any way until they were safely inside their own car. It was an ancient, rusted Jaguar belonging formerly to Remus' late father; it was the only thing of any worth Remus owned, and was now held together by a cocktail of charms. It didn't do anything spectacular, such as fly or drive underwater, but anyone looking at it would declare it a miracle that it actually moved in at all, never mind in one piece and all in the same direction at the same time. It belonged to Remus officially, but Sirius drove it more often than not. He now slouched down in the driver's seat and glared at Remus until the doors were shut, when he could contain himself no longer.  
  
"LUCIUS MALFOY!?!"  
  
Remus jumped out of his skin; he hadn't been expecting an outburst like that. What he had been expecting Sirius didn't know, but something inside him was glad he had shocked the werewolf.  
  
"What the fuck are you playing at, Remus?" he screamed. Remus winced painfully and pointed at the road.  
  
"Please drive the car, Sirius," he said, his voice hoarse. Sirius glowered at him, then released the handbrake and pulled away.  
  
"So," he growled as they rumbled along Oxford Street. "Are you going to explain what the hell you're doing with Malfoy?"  
  
"Once we get home."  
  
"This car is part of our home."  
  
"No it-" "Tell me. Now."  
  
Remus sighed and told the story, and it wasn't finished until they were indoors. He explained everything, starting with how he had met Lucius. Their first encounter had been very shortly after Remus and Sirius left Hogwarts; a brief night of passion resulting in nothing. After that neither knew anything of the other until Remus applied for a job in a neighbouring department of the Ministry and was rejected a few seconds into the interview, after Remus had presented his compulsory Lycanthropy licence. On the way out he had stumbled across Lucius, who had recognised him. Remus told him what had just happened, and Lucius instantly offered him a position which had just become vacant.  
  
"Of course," Remus said, staring out of the window at the people whipping past, "with Lucius, nothing comes free."  
  
"So he gave you a job and now you're his sex slave, is that it?"  
  
Remus gave Sirius a cold stare. The latter had gritted his teeth and was staring intently at the road ahead of him. His knuckles had gone white and his arm muscles tense as he gripped the wheel.  
  
"No," said Remus eventually. "That's not it at all. I-"  
  
"Love him?"  
  
"No. I don't know."  
  
"Remus! He's a suspected Death Eater! Do you not know that?"  
  
Remus had the decency to look thoroughly ashamed of himself. "I didn't at the time, no. But I do now."  
  
"Then for God's sake!" Sirius paused as he reversed up the driveway. "Leave him," he finished, clicking the engine off.  
  
Remus said nothing more until they were indoors. He made some tea and Sirius sat opposite him at the kitchen table, glaring again.  
  
"What do you see in him?" said Sirius suddenly.  
  
"Hmm?" said Remus distantly. "Erm. He is very handsome, Sirius."  
  
"Oh god." Sirius buried his head in his folded arms. "I don't believe you just said that," he added, now rather muffled. "He's completely evil and insane and bloodthirsty, and all you can say is he's handsome."  
  
Remus looked thoroughly wretched. "There's nothing I can do, Sirius."  
  
"And if there was, would you do it?"  
  
"I-"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I don't know. You don't know him, Sirius; you only know his reputation-"  
  
"He has tortured people! That's all I need to know!"  
  
Silence fell over the table. Outside it was growing dark and cold. Remus shivered, and Sirius automatically touched his arm.  
  
"Please," he murmured, "don't go back to him again."  
  
"It's not that simple."  
  
"Of course it is. Never go anywhere near him again."  
  
"I work for him! You think if I tell him to get lost, he'll just shrug and let me go? It doesn't work like that. He employed me, he's given me money, we have a relationship. I'll admit it's not the best, but there's something there. Without him, I've got nothing at all."  
  
"You've got me," said Sirius simply.  
  
Remus stopped at stared at him, then his gaze flickered to the hand still gripping his arm. "I know," he murmured.  
  
"No you don't. You've completely forgotten the friends you've been relying on for years. James and Lily have forgotten what you look like and Peter can't remember how to pronounce your name. It's all Malfoy's fault, he's controlling your life. Leave. Him. Now."  
  
"I-"  
  
"Can't. But you can because you have to. And if he lays a finger on you I'll -"  
  
"Sirius, don't."  
  
"He's never hurt you, has he? Because if he has -"  
  
"Sirius!"  
  
"I swear I'll rip him apart!"  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows in barely suppressed shock. "Don't talk like that," he snapped. "I know you'd never hurt a fly."  
  
"Not a fly, but maybe a snake."  
  
Remus shook his head. "Don't do anything of the sort. I'll. . .try and sort it out."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise."  
  
Sirius withdrew his hand finally, but his fingers gently stroked Remus' own hand. The werewolf shivered again, but it had nothing to do with the cold this time. Sirius gave him a small smile.  
  
"I'm only angry because I love you, Moony."  
  
Remus nodded. "I know."  
  
"No. You still don't." Sirius reached out to touch Remus' cheek. "I love you with a passion so intense that it continues to scare me every single day. Knowing you've been with someone else has killed me over and over again, and now I know who it was, it's taking all my will power not to hunt him down and tear his limbs off. One by one," he added, as if relishing the idea. "And I don't care how much you love him. You could be carrying his baby and I'd still want him to suffer every agony under the sun. Twice."  
  
Through his astonishment, the only thing Remus could think to say was, "I'm male, Sirius. I can't carry anyone's babies."  
  
"Well no, but you know what I mean."  
  
Remus stared at him, unable to drag his gaze away. "How long have you felt like this?"  
  
"Forever."  
  
"I mean in mortal terms."  
  
"A decade. More."  
  
"Since we were fourteen?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Maths always was my weakness. But that's not the point. God, Remus, you're everything to me. Please tell me I mean something to you. Tell me I'm more to you than Lucius stinking Malfoy."  
  
"I-" Remus began, but he was cut short by something hitting the window. He leaped to his feet and pulled the window open, letting the bedraggled owl tumble in. For the first time he noticed it was raining heavily outside and a peal of thunder sounded somewhere close by.  
  
"It's from James."  
  
Sirius took the note and read aloud. "Come here tomorrow. Both of you. That means Remus too." He blinked. "That was abrupt."  
  
"I wonder if they're all right." Remus frowned as he sat down again, this time next to Sirius.  
  
"Must be. They would have called for us immediately if it was urgent."  
  
"I suppose." But Remus continued to scowl at the note lying on the table. The owl landed beside him and pecked at him until he gave it a chocolate frog from his pocket. It flapped off into the night, but not before tugging the window closed behind it. Sirius and Remus were left alone again.  
  
"You were about to tell me whether you adore me or not," said Sirius, giving his friend a wry smile.  
  
"I remember."  
  
". . . And?"  
  
Remus looked coy for a moment, then leaned forwards and kissed Sirius once on the lips. Before Sirius could pull him back, he stood up and stepped away.  
  
"Not now," he said firmly. "I'm still with Lucius, and whatever else I am, I'm not a traitor."  
  
Sirius laughed hoarsely. "Do you think Malfoy cares?"  
  
"Possibly."  
  
"He doesn't, Remus. He doesn't care about you at all, he's using you. Can't you see that?"  
  
Remus nodded once, but turned away and walked into the living room. Sirius followed him at a distance, slightly wary of Remus as ever at this time in the lunar calendar, and watched as the werewolf stared at the large photo on the mantelpiece of the two of them together with Peter, Lily and James. Beside it was the Potters' wedding photo.  
  
"Are you okay, Moony?"  
  
Remus shrugged slightly, and tapped the glass protecting Lily and James' photo. The little figures within the frame stepped aside so they didn't get poked, then moved back together to hug each other again. "That," muttered Remus, "is all I've ever wanted. Did you know that?"  
  
"James' tux?"  
  
"No! To be normal, Sirius! They're perfect, aren't they?" he said it fondly, a small smile touching his lips. "Who wouldn't want to be like that?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "You're not going to find normality with Lucius Malfoy."  
  
"I thought he'd help me. He gave me a job, money, confidence. But nothing's actually changed, has it?"  
  
"Nope." Sirius stepped softly towards Remus. "You're a complete freak. You always have been and you always will be – but you're my freak."  
  
Remus grinned weakly. He looked exhausted all of a sudden, as if he'd been running a marathon all day, and Sirius paused to stare into his eyes for a second; tomorrow was full moon and in the days beforehand Remus could become unpredictable and even dangerous. But now he just looked in desperate need of a hug, so Sirius gave him one. He wrapped the werewolf protectively in his arms and pulled him close, half expecting to be pushed away. But Remus' hands slid round his waist, and his head rested on the taller man's shoulder. Sirius kissed him on the cheek and ran tentative fingers through his hair.  
  
"Do you really love me?" Remus whispered suddenly.  
  
"Didn't I embellish that point enough?"  
  
Remus chuckled. "Not quite. Try again."  
  
Sirius thought for a moment. "Right," he said eventually. He nudged Remus' chin up with his hand, then gripped it between thumb and forefinger so he could take Remus' lower lip between his teeth, running his tongue over the cracked but delicate skin. His other hand undid the first couple of buttons on Remus' shirt and stroked the pale, exposed skin as he deepened the kiss. Remus' arms were still around his waist, and he gripped Sirius' shirt, almost tearing the material. Sirius pulled him closer, continuing to undo his shirt, but Remus was suddenly hit by a bout of conscience.  
  
"I told you," he murmured into Sirius' mouth. "I can't do this."  
  
"Well you seem to be doing fine so far." Sirius grinned at him, then licked his ear, laughing delightedly at Remus' shudder of pleasure. "You're excelling yourself, in fact."  
  
"I can't be held responsible for this-" Remus began, but Sirius was almost desperate now and didn't hear him. He dropped to his knees in front of Remus, kissing and stroking his chest and stomach; nothing Remus could have said would have stopped him, had the werewolf felt inclined to say anything at all right then. From his position it became obvious to Sirius that even Remus couldn't fail to be aroused by the situation, so he met little resistance as he unbuttoned the werewolf's trousers and let the garment drop to the floor.  
  
"You okay?" he asked, finally glancing up at Remus' face again.  
  
"Yes . . . But Sirius, I think this is not a good time."  
  
"There's never a perfect time Moony."  
  
"Maybe I didn't make myself clear. I don't think this is the best time right here. Look."  
  
Sirius glanced towards the window, which was wide open. Being, until five minutes ago a pair of bachelors, they did not own any net curtains and therefore anyone passing by could easily look straight into the living room.  
  
"Ah," said Sirius, "I see." He jumped to his feet, grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him to the bedroom.  
  
Remus knew he should have done something to resist, but he physically couldn't; the sheer lustful enthusiasm of Sirius overwhelmed him and he found himself responding hungrily to every kiss and caress. Sirius' lips were magnetic to his and there was nothing he could do to pry them away so they staggered, locked together, to the bed. Sirius pushed him almost forcefully down, but gave him a moment's opportunity to protest or resist before straddling him and perching on his stomach. He nestled his face in Remus' hair, deeply inhaling that ever-present scent of warm cinnamon, and planted one hand firmly on either side of his head, looming over him half- predatorily and half-protectively. Remus was breathing deeply, but he kept glancing beyond Sirius as if expecting someone to be there in the room with them. Sirius glanced nervously behind him.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
"I shouldn't-"  
  
"Do you want to?" Remus nodded. "Then why shouldn't you?"  
  
Remus looked like he was going to say something else, but eventually decided on "if you don't kiss me again soon I think I'm going to die a very painful death." Sirius grinned briefly then kissed the werewolf ravenously. He had never tasted anything as enchanting as Remus and if it wasn't for the pressing situation arising in his trousers he would never have broken away from his lover's lips. But he finally had to sit up and allow Remus to relieve them of the rest of their clothing before pushing the werewolf back down and applying his lips instead to his neck and shoulder. He drew back when he tasted blood, and found the semi-healed bite mark on Remus' neck.  
  
"Ergh. Malfoy?"  
  
Remus looked guilty. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Never mind." Sirius wasn't interested in shoulders anyway. He placed a line of kisses down Remus' stomach causing Remus to let out a giggle which he quickly stifled. "Ticklish?" asked Sirius with a wolfish grin. Remus nodded and wriggled in a rather delightful way as Sirius ran his tongue across from hip to hip. Then he sunk his teeth into the flesh, nipping and licking and kissing as he moved down slightly. It was like a waking dream, and he wasn't sure even now if he should be doing this to Remus, who had protested so little outwardly but had inwardly been begging him to stop. Everything he had longed to do to Remus was now possible; all those secret desires and fantasies could be acted out for real instead of over and over within the confines of his head as he stared longingly at his oblivious werewolf. Nonetheless, he wondered if it was right but it was too late now, and any thoughts of going back had long since left Remus' mind. He yelped and gasped and made other interesting sounds which Sirius quickly learned to manipulate with carefully timed movements. Remus' breathing became quicker and shorter, and finally he sighed forcefully and relaxed. Sirius moved to straddle him again and Remus pulled him down for a desperate kiss, having been deprived for several minutes.  
  
"Sirius! Sirius!!"  
  
He might not have realised it wasn't his lover calling his name if he hadn't had his mouth locked with the other's in an anxious fight to become as close as physically possibly without doing each other any serious damage. Remus apparently hadn't heard the call at all, which was strange. Sirius tried to pull away but something was holding him firmly against the lithe, warm body beneath him; however as soon as he realised Remus was not holding him down at all and it was, in fact, himself keeping him there, he pried himself away.  
  
"Sirius?" this questioning voice was Remus this time, staring up at him, suddenly frightened. Sirius put his finger to his lips, slid off the bed and padded to the door. He leaped back suddenly as the door was forced open and James tumbled in, shoving his hair out of his eyes and looking anxious.  
  
"There you are! I was starting to panic, very weird for you to abandon the house at this time of night, I-" suddenly James stopped and stared at his best friend. "Sirius, you haven't got any clothes on," he said bluntly.  
  
Sirius bundled him out of the door and shut it firmly behind him. He stood facing his friend in the hall, stark naked and short of breath, the warm and welcome – although rather unexpected - taste of cinnamon in the back of his throat. "I know, Prongs, I was in bed."  
  
"Neither did Moony."  
  
"Ah. I thought you hadn't seen-"  
  
James shrugged. He seemed panicky. "Glad for you, Paddy. Nice to know you're finally getting some. But I need your help, urgently."  
  
Sirius frowned. The door opened behind him and a fully-clad Remus emerged. "Everything all right?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah. I think so. We just need a hand with some charms and - well you know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't urgent. Dumbledore says Lily and I are in danger. I don't know how he knows, but I trust him, and Lily won't leave and I need to put some more protection on the house because I think someone's been watching us. We didn't exactly see them but-"  
  
"All right, we're coming," said Sirius, "once I get some clothes on. You can explain on the way." 


	4. Roburius Charm

Notes: Sorry for the delay with this chapter, but the past week has been the busiest holiday I have ever had. In fact I need another holiday to get over this one. This chapter has not been proof-read because I just want to get on with the next one. It would be most appreciated if any mistakes are pointed out in reviews.  
  
. . .  
  
James paced up and down the room as Lily fished something out of her pocket and held it up for Remus and Sirius to see. It was very dark now, and Lily had tried to put all the lights on, but James had yelped and extinguished all but two lamps in the corners of the living room. Remus and Sirius sat one either side of Lily, peering at the thing in her hand. It looked like a Sneakoscope, but clearly wasn't.  
  
"I've heard of these," said Sirius. "They use them at work; don't they flash and wail when you're being spied on?"  
  
"They're meant to, but this one is very old. It only has an effect when the owner is in great peril. It went off two hours ago."  
  
James stopped pacing and snatched the contraption. "Maybe it's utterly broken," he wondered, and tossed it into the fireplace. "But I don't care. We have to make sure no strangers can get in or out of this house. I happen to know a very good charm, and I can fix it so only a select few can ever get access here."  
  
Sirius nodded suddenly. "The Roburius Charm? That's not a bad idea."  
  
"I've never heard of that," admitted Remus.  
  
"No offence, Moony, but you won't have. It's one of a set of protection spells only disclosed to certain organisations and their associates. Like Jim said, he can cast the charm over a select – or elite – group of people in a specific place, and only they will ever be able to find the place again."  
  
James nodded. "Secret societies and the like are always trying to get clearance to use it, but they have to apply to the Ministry and that can take months. I think Dumbledore will be able to get us instant permission though."  
  
Lily looked sceptical. "Are you sure this is completely necessary?"  
  
"Of course I am! Sirius, back me up here."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "He's got a point, Lily. I reckon he's right for once."  
  
"So," she asked, "who are you going to include with this charm?"  
  
"Only the obvious people; Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dumbledore, Minerva."  
  
"And the post-owl," said Remus helpfully.  
  
"No! You guys will have to receive our post from now on. We can't take any risks. So." He stared from Lily to Remus and Sirius. "We'll cast the charm the day after tomorrow, if you can all get here after full moon."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Have you told Peter?"  
  
"Briefly, just before I went to find you. He had to run off, something about his mother." James didn't sound at all concerned about Peter's mother, with good reason. People's mothers were the Marauders' equivalent of Mr Bunbury, and everyone assumed the mother-visitor was either talking about full-moon shenanigans, or had planned some secret romantic liaison. Remus had been foolish enough to try and use that one on Sirius when he had first started seeing Lucius, which was how Sirius knew of the existence of his mysterious boyfriend in the first place.  
  
"I worry about him," Sirius sighed. "He's always running off somewhere. Almost as bad as Moony here, except I think it's Peter's family. You know his grandmother relies on him, and he really doesn't think about his own health as much as-"  
  
James snorted. "Shut up, Sirius. Peter's a big boy now, he can take care of himself." He stopped pacing and peered at his friends. Suddenly he looked incredibly weary. "You two. . .I guess you can go. I'm sorry I disturbed you." He had the decency to go bright red, although he seemed to only just realise what he had caught Remus and Sirius in the middle of. "We were just really worried and-"  
  
"It's not a problem. We can stay here if you like, in the spare room-"  
  
"Not necessary!" said James and Lily together. They exchanged a glance. "But thank you," Lily added. "We've got some basic protection spells to last us out a couple of nights."  
  
Remus and Sirius stayed for an hour or so, then apparated back to their own flat ("You just hold onto my hand, Remus, I'll do the apparating, imagine the chaos if you got caught, we'd never get this charm on James' house with you locked up would we?") and their own living room. Sirius made some tea while Remus slumped anxiously on the sofa. A moment later, Sirius had pressed a warm mug into his hands and curled protectively around him.  
  
"I hope you realise," said Sirius, pausing to sip his tea, "that I'm not going to let you out of my sight from now on?" He gently stroked his werewolf's cheek. "You need a shave," he added. "Facial hair is bad . . . Don't tell me, Lucius liked it?"  
  
Remus raised an eyebrow. "I liked it, actually. But if you insist."  
  
"I do. And I insist also on knowing exactly where you are at all times. I'm not trying to sound pushy or patronising," he added quickly, "but it's not safe. Nothing is safe. Like I said, I'm even concerned about you when you are home, and I couldn't bare it if I didn't have a clue where you were."  
  
Remus stared at him for a long time. "All right, Padfoot," he said eventually. "As long as this doesn't get stupid. And I have to know where you are too."  
  
"It's a deal." Sirius put his mug down and gave Remus a lingering kiss. The werewolf did his best not to deepen it, but as usual he was powerless. Sirius seemed to control his every move, and he sank blissfully into an embrace he told himself he could not be held accountable for.  
  
. . .  
  
Full moon passed smoothly. Lily tried to persuade James not to go to Remus, but she knew from the start it was futile; the four friends hadn't missed a full moon together in a decade and not even the threat of the Dark Lord could come between James and peter, and Remus and Sirius' flat that night.  
  
The night was quiet. The four of them simply stayed in the cellar under the flat, enjoying each other's company, and come morning they helped Remus to his room, helped him dress and piled onto his bed to watch over him as he dozed. One of his hands gripped Sirius' and couldn't be pried away.  
  
James stretched out, his feet on the pillow by Remus' head. Sirius was curled between them with his head on Remus' stomach, and Peter sat at the foot of the bed, nibbling on an apple. The werewolf's breathing was steady, suggesting he was sound asleep. He often slept for a day or more after full moon, and the others usually stayed with him for all that time. But today the Roburius Charm was to be performed, and Remus would have to be woken soon.  
  
James stared at his friends' hands, locked together by their sides. "So," he said, "are we rid of the mystery boyfriend?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Not yet. It's more complicated that I thought."  
  
"Going to tell me?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
James nodded. "Well when you're ready. I guess you know who it is now?"  
  
"Yeah. I don't know, Jim, maybe I should let Remus tell you if he wants. It's. . .Kind of complicated. He might not want it general knowledge."  
  
James raised his eyebrows. "I wouldn't even tell Lily if you asked me not to, you know that."  
  
"Of course. But let Remus do the telling, okay?"  
  
James admitted defeat and slumped back on the bed. Peter muttered irritably and moved out of the way. As he nestled back to get a few minutes rest, James spared a moment to gaze at each of his friends before his eyes flickered shut and he drifted into a peaceful and completely trusting sleep.  
  
. . .  
  
Lily was pacing anxiously when they arrived back at Godrick's Hollow a few hours later. Harry was sitting quite happily on the living room floor, surrounded by stacks of wooden building blocks. He swiped at a tall tower in an attempt to knock it over, but missed completely.  
  
"I think we ought to take him to the opticians," murmured James. "He keeps doing that."  
  
Lily didn't hear him. "Dumbledore will be arriving any moment and you're filthy!" She batted at his dusty clothes. Somehow whatever he, Sirius and peter got up to in their Animagus forms managed to show itself on their clothing the next morning. They did not, however, take for granted the fact that they transformed back fully-dressed, unlike Remus. The werewolf slumped onto the couch, rubbing blearily at his red eyes, and Sirius and Peter took a seat either side of him while Lily dragged James away to get changed and cleaned up. Sirius and Peter were both rather dusty, but neither felt inclined to do anything about it.  
  
A sudden squealing noise made the three jump; Sirius leaped off the couch and searched the room until he found James' old sneakoscope hidden behind a photo frame. He glared at it, then at the two still on the couch. Remus winced.  
  
"Shut that bloody thing up, Padfoot. I think my brain is melting."  
  
"Yeah. Everyone knows those things are rubbish anyway," added Peter.  
  
Sirius shrugged and silenced the contraption, then sat back between Remus and Peter as Lily answered the front door and led Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall inside. The pair looked grave.  
  
"Why you didn't do this sooner, I'll never know," said Dumbledore, pulling a stack of paperwork from his pocket. "Sign these, please James. And you, Lily. And now you three sign here . . . I'm sorry about all this but I'm going to have to justify the emergency use of this charm. Really, you should be out of the country by now."  
  
Lily raised her chin defiantly, ready to make a speech, but Dumbledore waved a hand vaguely at her. "I know, Lily, I really do. I understand you decision completely. Now then." He began to command them to stand in various corners of the property as he wound the enchantment around his fingers. It was like spiders' silk, malleable in consistency and vivid in colour. It spangled and glittered and pulsated, shooting out sparks at all angles. Then Dumbledore encircled the entire plot, leaving a glistening violet trail behind him. Finally he returned to the living room where he gathered the others around him again and touched them all with the sparkling orb of live magic he held in his hands. Once they had all held the orb, it vanished in a violent explosion in Remus' hands, blasting him backwards into the coffee table. He stumbled over the table, knocking over Harry's blocks as he fell and sprawled in a messy heap in the middle of Harry's block city.  
  
"Yes. . . I should probably have said something about that," Dumbledore conceded, as James and Sirius hurried to help Remus to his feet. "But at any rate, the charm is now completed. We may consider ourselves the guardians of this place; none may enter without our permission. Any further security breeches will be entirely the responsibility of one or more persons in this room." He looked sternly at them over his glasses. "I do not want any further security breeches," he said, not in the voice of a headmaster but in that of a politician. Remus, Sirius and Peter all nodded; Lily seemed to relax considerably; and James sat down with Harry to help rebuild his demolished city.  
  
. . .  
  
The days after that passed in a kind of haze for Sirius. When he wasn't at work, he was hot on the heels of Remus, who had not become any easier to pin down for thirty seconds at a time. He was still doing overtime, and when he didn't get home until one-thirty in the morning the only explanation he would give was that he had needed some fresh air and a long walk. This was almost true; he had had to walk a long way into the Malfoy estates before he found Lucius in a small, oriental-looking garden, and they had not bothered to go back inside all evening. They had never slept in the same room again, despite Sirius' persistent attempts to lure Remus to his bed, a fact which infuriated Sirius since he knew Remus frequently spent the night with Lucius still. And one night in the middle of October, Sirius had had enough. They were sitting at the dinner table having just finished a large meal, when Sirius suddenly put his glass down sharply on the table. Remus glanced at him over the top of the newspaper.  
  
"Leave him."  
  
Remus removed his glasses. "Excuse me?"  
  
"You heard." Sirius folded his arms. "I want him gone. I'm sick of it."  
  
Remus put the paper down and stared evenly at Sirius. "You know why I can't do that, Padfoot. Not only would Lucius be extremely upset, but it wouldn't necessarily be me he's upset with. He has ways of knowing everything. Do you see what I mean?"  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"You will when he comes here demanding blood."  
  
"I don't care!" Sirius snarled. "Ditch him, Remus! I don't gave a shit what you tell him, say I'll come and kill him if he resists, just get him the hell out of our lives. Do you understand?"  
  
Remus looked completely unmoved by this outburst. He pushed his glasses back on and leaned across the table to touch Sirius' hand. "I'm sorry it's like this," he murmured. "Maybe if you'd told me how you felt sooner-"  
  
"It is not my fault! It's yours!" Sirius' hand clamped possessively over Remus'. "If I have to share you any longer, I swear I will resort to drastic measures. It isn't bloody fair!"  
  
"I know it isn't," Remus soothed. "And I said I'm sorry. I can try, but I can't promise anything."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "You can. You can promise me that you'll do everything you can to get rid of him."  
  
"All right. I promise that, but it might not work." Remus stared intently at his new lover, although he was wary of using that term to describe Sirius. They had scarcely had a moment together since the night of James' interruption, and although Sirius kept telling him he loved him Remus had not had the chance to return the sentiments. He wondered if he did love Sirius; this relationship was very different to the one with Lucius, which was dangerous and passionate. This one was practically chaste; the embodiment of Greek love as envisioned by Plato in his ideal civilisation. But this was far from ideal. Sirius was almost rabidly jealous, and Remus was incapable of thinking up reasons to leave Lucius. Did he love Lucius, if he didn't love Sirius? Unfortunately he could not answer this question. He knew he held some form of adoration for Sirius (although whether he was in love with him or simply loved him was another matter) but he could not guarantee he felt nothing for Lucius.  
  
"Make it work," said Sirius firmly, clasping Remus' hand in his. And that was when Remus realised he could deny Sirius nothing. Whatever he felt for the blond, he would willingly give it all up if it granted Sirius a moment's satisfaction. He put his other hand on top of Sirius', and leaned across the table to kiss him once. Sirius gave him a huge grin. "I knew you felt the same," he declared, and hoisted himself onto the dining table. Remus' eyes widened and he was about to snap at him to get off the furniture as if he were in his canine form, but Sirius was across the table in a heartbeat and sitting astride Remus' lap.  
  
"Ouch," said Remus, trying not to grin. "Sirius, you're completely insufferable, do you know that?"  
  
"Of course." Sirius gave him a lingering kiss.  
  
Remus smiled, then just as quickly his face was a picture of severity again. "I hope you don't think this is going to be easy," he said.  
  
"No, I don't." Sirius gently stroked the back of his neck. "But I don't care. You're all I've wanted for as long as I can remember, and I'd do anything to have you all to myself."  
  
"Mmm." Remus shut his eyes and tried to silence his conscience, but when Sirius began toying with his shirt buttons and he had to stop himself from uttering the words "not now, Lucius," he opened them and yelped quietly. Sirius looked surprised, and glanced behind him as he had done the night they had almost spent together. There was nothing there, but Remus looked disturbed.  
  
"The sooner you get rid of him, the sooner you can live in peace," said Sirius as softly as he could. "Now then . . . Are you coming to bed or do I have to spend another night staring at the ceiling and straining to hear you breathe through the wall?"  
  
Remus' eyes widened, then he shook himself and smiled. "My god, you're obsessed aren't you?"  
  
"Not denying it."  
  
He pushed Lucius as far to the back of his mind he could. It wasn't worth dwelling on him when he was with Sirius; it could cause nothing but trouble. Right here and now Sirius loved him and he could not deny he wanted Sirius. "Okay, I'm coming to bed."  
  
Sirius grinned. "I win then."  
  
"Oh, do you?"  
  
"In my personal little world, yes." Sirius slid off Remus' lap and padded over to the sink to get a glass of water. Remus stood too, stretched, and rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius drank deeply, rinsed the glass, then refilled it to take upstairs. He glanced at Remus.  
  
"Do you love me, Moony?"  
  
Remus winced. "I don't say those words. It's stupid sentimentality."  
  
"I just want the facts; if you feel it, say it."  
  
Remus grinned. "Make me."  
  
"Oh?" Sirius turned to smile seductively at his werewolf. "Do I detect the whiff of a challenge?"  
  
He practically skipped up the stairs, Remus hot on his heels. The door of Sirius' room shut firmly behind them, and Sirius rose valiantly to his challenge. He was almost sure he caught the three faint words on Remus' breath at some point during the night but could not remember when, or if they had been a figment of his own imagination.  
  
When he woke up, there was a space beside him and the sheets were cold. 


	5. Traitor In Their Midst

There was no movement in the air, and he could not smell anything. No footprints in the dust, no sound of breathing. He walked slowly amongst the shelves, seeking a particular book with which to pass the time, his fingers trailing over row after row of leather spines. Some of the books were battered and worn, others were pristine and new. Neither state was a clue towards the age of any particular volume.  
  
He turned a corner and heard a sound, a slight breath which was felt by the hairs on his neck rather than his ear-drum. Yes. He was here, and playing games again.  
  
"Remus, I don't like you playing with me like this," he snapped loudly, walking swiftly to the end of the row and stopping in the corner. He has two potential paths and had to decide which would lead him to Remus. He was about to turn right when he felt the breathing again, this time on his ear.  
  
"Hallo, Lucius," the werewolf murmured softly.  
  
He spun round and glared at Remus. "I do wish you would stop this."  
  
"Yes. . ." Remus nodded. "It does seem I will have to."  
  
Lucius didn't pay any attention to the words, but slid a hand round Remus' neck, stroking it softly. "Why is it that you're most beautiful when the moon is waning?" he murmured.  
  
Remus leaned into the touch. "Because then I am exhausted, Lucius, and we are all at our most beautiful when we are tired or sad." He paused. "Except you, I think. You are most beautiful when you are most powerful."  
  
"Yes. I know." Lucius looked for a moment like he was going to kiss Remus, but instead he just run his tongue tantalisingly over the other's lips. The younger man's mouth opened hungrily, but Lucius did not move. Instead he said softly, "And how about Black? When is he at his most attractive?"  
  
Remus stepped back, his eyes wide. "What? I-"  
  
"No lies please. I have my sources and I know that you live with him." Lucius strode away, but Remus caught up quickly and grabbed his arm.  
  
"I was going to tell you. Honestly, I was-"  
  
"I said don't lie, Lupin!" Lucius snarled, grabbing Remus by the collar. He slammed the smaller man into the wall and made a low hissing noise. "I've killed better men than you, so don't make things worse for yourself."  
  
Remus' breathing was short and desperate; the shove had winded him painfully, but he managed to force a small, calming smile onto his face. "See?" he said.  
  
Lucius stared at him. "See what?"  
  
"How . . . How beautiful you are when you're powerful."  
  
This seemed to mollify Lucius, who moved closer and touched Remus' cheek fondly. "I don't want to hurt you. Really I don't. But you're mine Lupin, all mine. I don't like to share any of my possessions, especially not such treasures as you, and especially not with Sirius Black." He regarded Lupin for a moment, until his breathing had calmed down again. Then Lucius pushed him against the wall again, this time with his whole body, and took Remus' earlobe gently between his teeth. Remus shut his eyes as the pressure was slowly increased, trying as hard as he could to convince himself he didn't want it.  
  
"What is this, Lucius?" he whispered, nudging his lover's chin so he would look at him. He ran his fingers through the soft blond hair as he searched the face for answers. "What are we? What do you feel?"  
  
"I don't know." Lucius' fingers ran slowly up the inside of Remus' thigh. "What do you feel?"  
  
Remus shut his eyes and bit back a moan. Lucius' hand had stopped moving, but his fingers toyed with the material of Remus' trousers. The werewolf managed to mutter, "I thought you felt something for me."  
  
"Oh, I do." Lucius paused to nip playfully at his neck. "I am in a kind of awe of you. It is very strange. You're the only Romantic I've ever met and not tortured." He seemed to think about this, then added, "in a non-sexual way."  
  
Remus ignored this last remark. "I thought I loved you," he admitted. "I really did."  
  
"Past tense?"  
  
"When I realised you don't feel the same about me, I knew I didn't love you. Love is a mutual thing."  
  
"But I do adore you."  
  
Remus shook his head as Lucius broke the embrace. The werewolf thought he was being dismissed until the blond began to undo his own shirt. There was silence in the old library except for the occasional muffled noise from the main wing of the mansion, and the faint patter of rain outside. Remus shut his eyes and tried to imagine he was alone, but hands gripped his waist and then Lucius was kissing him finally. He ran his own hands over the cold white skin of Lucius' chest, and memories of long, humid summer nights flooded back to him. It was obvious why he had mistaken Lucius' lust for love when the older man held him like this, as if he was the most important thing in the world. It was at these moments the idea of separation actually hurt him. Lucius had been the first to show any romantic interest in him, and that was important to Remus, whose self-esteem was critically low anyway, and it was going to take a lot to convince him to break away. It was, in fact, going to take a lot of effort from Sirius and no one else.  
  
Finally Lucius broke the kiss. His brow wrinkled. "What were we talking about?"  
  
"You adoring me, I believe."  
  
"Oh yes. I've never adored anything like you before."  
  
Remus pretended he hadn't noticed the word "anything". Lucius hooked his finger on Remus' collar and tugged him to a low couch by the window.  
  
"So you don't love me?" Remus asked. He knelt by the couch, perfectly passive, as the blond lounged and stroked his face with long, graceful fingers.  
  
"I shall hate you if you just sit there much longer."  
  
There was a moment's indecision before Remus leaned down and kissed him once. "But you don't love me," he murmured. Lucius snorted irritably, like a champion stallion losing its patience with a novice.  
  
"What is all this talk about love? Is that what you want, Remus, to hear that I love you? Is it not enough that I own you?"  
  
"You don't own me."  
  
"You know that I do." Lucius' hand shot out lightning-fast and yanked him down again so their lips touched. "You'd be nothing if it wasn't for me. You know that and Black knows that."  
  
Which was rubbish, Remus knew. If he really was worthless, what was the fascination Lucius had for him? No, there was something about him Lucius wanted. He didn't know what it was, and was not interested.  
  
"I don't need you," he murmured.  
  
"Oh you do. Or you wouldn't be here at all." Lucius' tongue flickered out, serpent-like, which brushed Remus' lips.  
  
"But why-"  
  
"Do I want you to stay? Because you are enthralling. All your odd little attempts to win my heart, all your little quirks and eccentricities. And, of course, you are beautiful. But ultimately you are weak."  
  
"I'm not-"  
  
Lucius stretched like a cat, arching his back and yawning hugely. When he settled again, he turned quickly to look at Remus who had been staring hungrily at him, and he grinned. "There. Don't think I didn't see that. And now we learn the real reason why you can't and won't leave me." He slid off the couch and straddled Remus' lap. The werewolf shut his eyes again as Lucius pushed against him, licking his ear and gripping his rough hands in his own smooth ones.  
  
"This is why," he murmured.  
  
. . .  
  
"What is this?"  
  
James grinned and pushed a dice towards Peter. "Snakes and Ladders. You playing, Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius looked up from the newspaper. James, Harry and Peter were seated cross-legged on the floor with a large gaming board in the middle of them. James had been attempting to teach Harry to play chess for some time, but when it became apparent that it would have to wait until he was considerably older Lily had suggested James teach him Snakes and Ladders. The only problem was it had to be taught to James first. She had been amazed to discover wizards did not play the game, and had spent the morning showing him the rules of the game. Now he seemed to be addicted. Sirius and Peter had arrived a couple of hours ago and witnessed James being beaten twice at the unfamiliar game by his infant son who was barely old enough to throw the dice. The three pure-blood wizards seemed completely baffled by the entire concept. Lily found herself wishing Remus was here; his muggle father was sure to have introduced him to the game.  
  
"I dunno," said Sirius. "Looks pretty complicated to me."  
  
Lily shook her head. "It's quite simple, Sirius. You go up the ladders and down the snakes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
She stared. "Because that's how it's played. You climb ladders and snakes are. . .well, slippery."  
  
"No they're not," said Peter. "They're just scaly."  
  
Sirius nodded. "He's right. In fact you could probably climb up one just as easily, assuming it wouldn't turn round and bite you. Which it's likely to do if you go sliding down it too."  
  
"No, look. It's just pretend. It's the rules of the game. Up the ladders and down the snakes."  
  
James shrugged at Sirius. "Muggles, eh? Who'd have thought they could come up with something so odd?" He shifted round so there was room to join them. "Come and play."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I don't feel like it."  
  
There was a dark silence. James sighed deeply. "So where is he today?"  
  
"Dunno."  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
Sirius shrugged. He had merely woken up to find Remus gone from his bed. There was no note, no reassuring hints as to where Remus had gone, but James was right. He knew where he was.  
  
"I guess he's with his mystery man," he murmured.  
  
James scowled. "I thought you two were steady now."  
  
"Yeah, I thought we were getting towards it. But he just left. He's vanished for entire weekends before; I don't know when he'll be back."  
  
They all looked at him then, as one, turned to stare at the board again. Peter picked up the dice, rolled it across the floor, and asked James to read the number. It was a six. Peter moved his little red counter six places.  
  
"You get another turn," said Lily helpfully.  
  
Peter rolled another six.  
  
Sirius sighed and lay back on the couch, watching Lily preparing Harry's lunch. He felt utterly betrayed. A darkly sick feeling rose up in his throat and he had to fight back tears when he remembered the fear that struck him when he realised Remus was gone. There was no sign of a struggle, and if Remus had been taken against his will you could guarantee there would have been one. He had gone back to Malfoy, and that knowledge made Sirius feel violently ill. He had thought last night was the start of something new and genuine between Remus and himself, but apparently Remus had other ideas.  
  
He glanced at James, who had pulled out of the game and instead leaned back with a glass of lemonade in one hand, watching Peter and Harry play. Sirius rolled off the couch, transforming as he did so and flopped his head in James' lap, whining miserably.  
  
"I know, Padfoot," said James softly. "It's difficult for you, but I'm sure Remus will sort himself out." He ran his fingers through Sirius' soft fur. "Tell you what . . . Just stay as a dog and come and live with us."  
  
Sirius howled forlornly.  
  
"No, I suppose that was insensitive of me." James sighed and flicked at Sirius' floppy ear. "But like I said, he's bound to come around. If he loves you, he'll be with you."  
  
Sirius became a man again and stared up at James. "He won't say it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I've told him I love him, but he wouldn't say it back."  
  
James scarcely realised Sirius' transformation, and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Maybe he doesn't know how. You know Remus, he's shy."  
  
"Which is why he's with two men at the same time," said Peter, very nearly under his breath. He glanced up when he became aware of Sirius' fierce gaze on him. "Seriously," he said, trying not to twitch under Sirius' glare, "he's a werewolf, do you really trust him?"  
  
Sirius sat up quickly, and James narrowed his eyes. "This is Moony we're talking about," James snapped. "Of course I trust him. And so does Sirius, don't you?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "Just shut up and play Lakes and Bladders, Pete."  
  
They sat in silence for a while, Sirius leaning on James and James leaning against the wall. Lily eventually picked Harry up and fed him something unidentifiable from a pink pig shaped bowl. Peter wandered off and found the newspaper, and sat at the table reading. Sirius watched him, then watched Lily, then turned and looked at James. His eyes were glazed over as he stared into the middle distance.  
  
"You all right?" Sirius murmured. James nodded. "Scared?"  
  
His best friend turned to smile at him. "A little. But things will be okay now, you'll see, with you and Remus and Peter and Dumbledore all guarding this place."  
  
"Good." Sirius forced himself to grin, but his expression froze when the doorbell rang. Lily made a frightened sound and snatched Harry up from his high chair.  
  
"You Know Who doesn't ring the bell," said James sharply. "Will you lot calm down?" But he nodded at Sirius, who slid into dog form again, and trotted silently to the front door, where he peered through the letter box. He let out a loud yelp, shifted quickly back into his usual shape, and wrenched the door open. Lily and James peered curiously out into the hall.  
  
Remus gave them a cheerful smile and glanced once at Sirius as he came into the house. Lily and James grinned with relief.  
  
"We were starting to worry about you," said Lily, giving him a hug. James pried her away so he could also hug Remus, take his coat, and give him a gentle shove into the living room. Sirius stood back and glanced at them.  
  
"Peter?" Lily called. "Can you just come into the kitchen a moment? Bring Harry."  
  
Once the others had gone, Sirius followed Remus into the living room. The werewolf helped himself to his favourite chair, and Sirius sat opposite him.  
  
"Morning, Padfoot."  
  
Sirius folded his hands together. Remus knew without looking at his face that he was annoyed; he could smell it.  
  
"I know where you went, Moony, but you might have said something."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"A note wouldn't have hurt."  
  
Remus nodded. "I know, but I thought I'd be back before you woke."  
  
"And that's supposed to be comforting, is it?"  
  
Remus had the decency to look thoroughly ashamed. Sirius sat back and stared at the ceiling, trying to keep his eyes dry.  
  
"I guess you didn't tell him it's over then?"  
  
The werewolf frowned slightly. "I tried, Sirius, I really did. But talking to Lucius is almost impossible. He doesn't listen; he hears the sounds but not the words, it doesn't register in his mind if he doesn't want to hear it. He knows exactly why it's so hard for me to walk away and he's convinced I won't do it."  
  
"But you will," said Sirius. "Won't it feel good to prove him wrong?"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Perhaps. I don't know how to do it though."  
  
Sirius grinned. "Well, maybe I have a few ideas." 


	6. Tomorrow Will Be Different

But Remus didn't stop disappearing. If anything, his absences became longer and more frequent, and Sirius sunk into a deep depression as the winter nights grew longer and colder. He woke up sometimes, a silent scream on his lips and a vivid nightmare evaporating from his consciousness, and he would turn over and sink his teeth into the pillow and swallow the tears which threatened to break forth. Sometimes he awoke to find Remus beside him but the relief soon gave way to paranoia: was he breathing? Was that his heartbeat? And he would have to shake Remus awake to make sure he was okay, causing the werewolf to lose his temper and demand to be left to sleep.  
  
Daytimes were also difficult. Remus was working more, as was Sirius, and although they met for lunch it wasn't nearly enough. A few quick kisses in the street and then another five hours of painful separation which Sirius soon could not endure. When Remus was in the flat in the evenings, it was another story entirely, and Sirius often found himself trying to avoid him. Remus had changed over the past months, becoming more snappish and aggressive, traits Sirius normally attributed to the phases of the moon. Now he was noticeably worse, losing his temper where before a light-hearted comment would have been the expected reaction. When he was like this Sirius preferred his own company, venturing back out to see if Remus had calmed down as the evening progressed. He often had, apologising over and over again for his mood swings, kissing Sirius as if they were the most passionate and devoted of lovers. But sometimes he sought his own isolation, bolting his bedroom door and leaving Sirius to listen in vain for his breathing through the thin walls.  
  
Surprisingly, Sirius found their sex life improving, but this was mostly down to Remus' passionate apologies and declarations of devotion after particularly nasty arguments. Remus became excessively emotional, even sobbing into Sirius' shoulder once, to the extent that Sirius hardly knew what to do with him. James had few helpful comments on the matter and his only solution was to get Sirius nicely drunk one evening, which only resulted in another row with Remus. Inebriated and feeling rejected and unwanted, Sirius had sulked in his room for two whole days until Remus coaxed him out. A final blazing argument was averted when Remus put a finger to Sirius' lips and begged him to finally explain how to get rid of Malfoy, if Sirius thought it was such a simple task.  
  
Malfoy, it became apparent, was not the most careful of lovers. Remus often returned with bruises and bites, and Malfoy made no attempt whatsoever to hide their affair from prying eyes. Only his wife, Narcissa, was purposefully left in the dark, and that, Sirius knew, was where Lucius' weak-spot lay. And so information was gathered and eventually it was revealed that Narcissa would be home on the 30th October. Sirius explained what Remus must do, kissed him once, and left to respond to an urgent call from the Potters.  
  
He apparated swiftly to Godric's Hollow and let himself in with the spare key. He found Lily in the kitchen, holding tightly to Harry, her eyes red- rimmed. As soon as she saw him she ran to him, shoving Harry into his arms and throwing her own around him.  
  
"Sirius!" she whimpered. "Thank God you're here."  
  
He frowned, holding woman and baby tightly. "Where's James?"  
  
"He went straight to Dumbledore. I made him go, he didn't want to leave. I said you'd be here – thank god you are. Don't leave me."  
  
Sirius made vague soothing sounds as he guided her to the living room, placing Harry back into her arms and helping her to lower herself onto the couch. He sat beside her, taking her hand in his. "Tell me what's happened?" he asked softly.  
  
She took a moment to compose herself. "Someone got in while we were out," she said, her voice shaking as she spoke. "We only went to buy a few things for Harry, I dread to think what would have happened if we hadn't." She choked back a sob, and Sirius gripped her hand impulsively. After she'd taken a breath she ploughed on. "The pushed the table over, broke the back window. Nothing was stolen, it wasn't burglars."  
  
"That would be impossible," Sirius supplied. "Only five of us can get into this house."  
  
"But it can't have been you."  
  
"No. Remus and I have been home all week."  
  
"And Peter's with his mother."  
  
"And Dumbledore and McGonagall are at Hogwarts." Sirius shrugged. "Someone must have let slip where you live, and if I find out who it was I'll murder them."  
  
Remus and I have been home all week. . . But that wasn't true. Sirius hadn't left the house except for work, but Remus had vanished just the once in the past seven days. Sirius had thought this indicated an improvement, but it seemed even once was too much. Remus would never do something like this on purpose, but Lucius Malfoy was vindictive and manipulating, and it would only take one slip for a fatal mistake such as this to take place.  
  
Lily wiped her nose on her sleeve, a sure sign of her distress. Sirius found a tissue for her and she blew her nose loudly. "James has gone to demand even higher levels of security," she told him. "The Roberius charm wasn't enough, so he's after the next one up, whatever it is."  
  
"There is only one more. The Fidelius charm. Only he'll never get it, it's too difficult and dangerous."  
  
"He will; I told him he can use any means to get Dumbledore on his side here, even his patented Potter Sulk." She managed a small smile. They both knew James could be refused by no one when he sulked. "And besides, what could be more deserving of the Fidelius Charm's protection than a young boy's life?" She glanced at Harry, who seemed completely oblivious to the severity of the situation. He was pointing at Sirius and laughing. Sirius had always found himself a fathomless source of amusement to young children, and poked Harry affectionately on the nose. The child tried to bit his finger but he yanked it away in time.  
  
"Little nipper," he muttered. "Literally."  
  
James returned not long later, and told them he had full permission to use whatever means he deemed necessary to protect his family. Lily breathed a sigh of relief as he explained the complexities of the Fidelius charm; it was a very complex piece of magic which put a hefty drain on the power of all involved. It also put the Secret Keeper – the one information was stored in – in carrying amounts of danger. In this instance it was a lot of danger.  
  
"Will you do it for us, Sirius?" he asked, looking his best friend squarely in the eye. "There isn't a soul I trust more than you."  
  
Automatically, Sirius nodded. James grinned at him and drew him into a tight hug.  
  
"I owe you, seriously. No amount of drinks will pay for this. Padfoot, you've saved our lives."  
  
Sirius did not have to think long about what he had just agreed, to realise how big a mistake it was. Everyone worth worrying about knew Sirius and James were the best of friends. It wouldn't be long before word got out that the Potters had used the Fidelius charm, and Sirius knew exactly who Voldemort and his supporters would come looking for first.  
  
"It's way too obvious," he said suddenly. "Get one of the others to do it, it'll be much safer."  
  
"Remus will do it," said Lily instantly. She was laying the table for dinner, and glanced up at them. "I'll ask him myself. He won't say no."  
  
Sirius bit his lip. "Not Remus."  
  
James raised an eyebrow at him. "Sirius, I know you love him, but don't try to protect him now. Please. We're desperate."  
  
Sirius stared at their pleading faces. There was no way he could tell them his faint suspicion concerning Remus. It wasn't even a definite suspicion, just a niggling feeling that Remus was, whether consciously or not, letting things slip that he shouldn't be. He did love Remus, more than any of them could comprehend, and a niggling doubt was not enough to make a dent in his emotion or make him betray his beloved unnecessarily. However, it was enough for him to go for the obvious alternative to Remus as Secret Keeper.  
  
"Peter," he said shortly. "No one will ever suspect him."  
  
. . .  
  
It was three hours later.  
  
For the last time, Remus trod uneasily along the gravel path towards the Malfoy estates. From the road it was a thirty minute walk to the main wing of the house, and usually he used it for thinking space. Now, though, he did not want to think. What he had to do was not only against his instincts, but was completely immoral. Of course, the whole situation had been immoral from the moment he first let Sirius kiss him, but this . . . well it certainly wouldn't make life easier for Remus. He was going to lose his job and he would be left to live off Sirius, but at least Sirius would have his wish: Remus all to himself. Whether Remus would live to enjoy this was a different matter entirely.  
  
He let himself in. He was very good at getting into places without being seen, which was a werewolf trait and something highly valued by the Marauders. The amount of activity in the house indicated that Narcissa was already home; people were everywhere, carrying things and moving things and delivering things and running a dozen other errands. A few of them looked at Remus suspiciously, but the Marauders were very good at looking exactly like they had every right to be wherever they happened to end up, and if Remus had been feeling a little more confident he would probably have found some subservient looking lackey and barked an order at them. As it was, he merely looked like a man on a mission. No one ever questions a man on a mission.  
  
He didn't know where the Malfoys could be found, so he used his senses. He sniffed the air delicately, peered at fresh footprints to see if they belonged to Lucius, and eavesdropped into other people's conversations. Finally he found himself outside the main sitting room, staring at the panelled oak door. They were in there, and this was it. He knocked, nervously, but managed to make the knock sound firm and decisive.  
  
"Enter."  
  
Remus pushed the door open and strode in. His heart fluttered uncomfortably at the sight of Lucius and his family, but he forced himself to remain a picture of calm and confidence. Lucius was in his armchair, staring over the top of the newspaper. He was dressed in his habitual black, but very much more casually than Remus had ever seen him before. He even had his shoes off, something Remus had never seen without a fair amount of kissing taking place beforehand. In fact, now he came to think about it, he could not remember ever having seen Lucius either remove or put on a pair of shoes. Apparently they were too common for him ever to have to deal with intimately and they removed themselves at his whim.  
  
Tearing his gaze away from Lucius' feet, he glanced at Narcissa. She had paused in the act of neatening the hair of something small and blond, and was giving him a questioning glare. She was thin, almost bony, but still very pretty. Her hair was similar to Lucius' in colour, but it was styled very elegantly on the top of her head. She looked quite affronted by this intrusion, and glanced over Remus' clothes. He had taken care to wear robes rather than his habitual muggle-wear, but they were much too shabby and cheap-looking for Narcissa to let them pass without comment.  
  
"Who is this scruffy little man?" she demanded, not of Remus but her husband. Apparently Remus was not important enough to be spoken to.  
  
Lucius took a moment to find his voice. "He's, um-" he was forced to clear his throat to cover the verbal hitch. "No one, dear. Someone Lupin, I think." He gave Remus a look which was at once questioning and accusatory. "What is it, man?"  
  
Remus made a point of glancing at the small blond child, which was holding its arms out to its mother. Narcissa didn't take her hard black eyes off Remus, but picked the child up. "I just stopped by to tell you I quit," he said swiftly, turning his gaze back to Lucius. "I'm handing in my notice. You'll get the official letter on your desk, but since I was passing I thought I should let you know I won't be in tomorrow."  
  
Lucius' expression was priceless, and Remus would stick it in his pensive and go back and enjoy it when he was bored. But he wasn't finished yet.  
  
"And that other . . . Role you designated me to. I resign from that too. I've got too much on my plate right now, and I'm afraid this just isn't at the top of my list of priorities. So you won't be hearing from me again."  
  
Lucius was on his feet instantly, walking swiftly towards Remus. "Out," he barked, pointing at the door. Obligingly, Remus left the room with Lucius close behind him. The blond gave him a shove across the corridor, and he staggered into the dark room opposite. Lucius shut the door behind himself, and Remus moved away from him, ready to shift promptly if Lucius should try to advance on him. If worse came to worst, he knew he could force himself to change into his werewolf form, even though it wasn't full moon. He had only ever had to pull that trick once before, when some thug had tried to grab him in an alley near his home. It wasn't something he ever wanted to do again, but he was well aware that Lucius was by far the strongest of them as long as he remained human.  
  
"No, no, no," said Lucius, leaning against the door and shaking his head at Remus. "You're not going anywhere. You're mine, and as such you will do as I say."  
  
"I'm not your possession, Lucius."  
  
"I will NOT lose to Sirius Black!" his voice was a low growl; he did not want Narcissa to hear any of this, Remus knew.  
  
"Well you have. If I belong to anyone, it's him." Remus let his own voice get steadily louder. "You never felt anything for me past ownership and that's not enough. You're a bully and a coward, and I'll have nothing more to do with you."  
  
"Shh!" Lucius hissed, started away from the door. Remus moved deftly round so the distance between them remained the same, but he was a little closer to the door now. Lucius narrowed his eyes. "I know what you're trying to do. You think with my wife here, I'll crack."  
  
"And you will. If you don't let me go, I'll tell her. If you ever try to contact me again, I'll tell her. If you lay a finger on me I'll make so much noise she'll come running to see what's going on, and I'll tell her right here in your home. I'll tell everything."  
  
For the first time, a quiver of doubt gripped Lucius' features and Remus knew he was winning.  
  
"And then what will she do, Lucius? I doubt she'd want anything to do with you then. Another woman is one thing. Another man? What will she think of that? And what when she learns who I am? My father was a stock broker, a muggle. That makes me a half-blood. She'll take you for a liar and a hypocrite, and she'll take your little boy away from you."  
  
Remus drew breath sharply, watching Lucius' reaction. He was nervous now, something completely new for him. But he wasn't nearly nervous enough, and Remus played his last card.  
  
"Am I really worth that? You wouldn't risk your son for some shabby little half-breed, would you? Like you've said yourself, I'm worthless. But you seem a little confused on that point, don't you? Maybe we should seek an outsider's opinion; I'm sure Narcissa will oblige." He moved towards the door, and Lucius lunged at him. He almost grabbed Remus' shoulder when he remembered what the werewolf had said about touching him and withdrew his hand sharply.  
  
"I see you've got the idea," said Remus briskly. "I'm leaving, Lucius. I won't say I regret anything we did, but this is the end of an era."  
  
He left without another word, his blood pounding frantically in his ears and his breath suddenly short. But he left with the same confident stride with which he had arrived. He had done it; it was over. When he left the Malfoys' property and found himself on the track down to the main road, he found himself grinning with relief. Things were going to be very different from tomorrow onwards, he knew. And, without looking back, he took himself home to his empty flat.  
  
. . .  
  
it was the 30th October 1981, and it was mere minutes until midnight. Godric's Hollow lay calm and serene in the waxing moonlight, its ivy- covered eaves and shrub-bordered paths quaint and homely, and its garden mysterious and inviting. To the casual observer it was just an attractive house; anyone really paying attention would have noticed that, behind the heavy curtains, the lights were still on; a magical observer would have seen the glimmer surrounding the entire house like a shimmering localised mist, indicating that vast amounts of magic were being manipulated within.  
  
Half an hour later, they would have seen nothing but the road and the miles of open field beyond the cottage. They would certainly have paid no heed to the large rat which leapt out of the field, scampered across the road, and vanished into the grass verge. Tomorrow, when the news got out, they would not know how close they had been to the Boy Who Lived. 


	7. Epilogue

. . .  
  
Remus visited him just the once, when he felt brave enough to travel alone again. It was mid-summer and even in northern Scotland the air was unbearably hot. During the trip from the mainland, across the North Sea to the rugged island on which Azkaban stood, Remus trailed his fingers in the choppy water, enjoying the sensation of icy coldness tingling up his arm. He hadn't left his own street for many months. A job had cropped up at a shop along the road, and he had found no need or desire to break the monotonous cycle of wake-work-home-bed except for when he remembered to eat or took a few hours to lie flat-out on the grass of the flat's communal garden. He had tried very hard not to think, but eventually he had to clear out Sirius' old room and his mind took liberties, presenting the harsh facts to him for the first time. Tears had been shed for Lily, James and Peter, and things had been smashed in the name of Sirius Black. Many times since he had staggered to the end of the garden, dropped to his knees and let out a frustrated, heart-broken howl at the crisp night air. And then he would go back inside and make a cup of tea like nothing had ever happened.  
  
Azkaban could never have looked worse than it actually was, but it made an admirable effort. Its high towers disappeared into the clouds, and the thick wall around it was layered with magical and non-magical protection. Charmed barbed wire was a big feature. There were three doors to pass through into the main prison; the first, a stout draw-bridge and portcullis combination which opened onto a small stone courtyard. All visitors were searched here, and themselves wrapped in protective charms. Next was a heavy iron doorway into a bare building lined with Dementors. The human guards seldom went beyond here, except when escorting visitors and delivering food. This was where a final search was conducted, and also where shifts changed and meetings took place.  
  
The final door led to the prison proper, and beyond there it was always dark. Daylight did penetrate offering some illumination, but there was nothing but deep shadows. Remus followed his guard through the courtyard, passing half a dozen low-security prisoners who watched them with dull eyes. A group of Dementors followed Remus at a distance, and the prisoners shrunk back as they passed, moaning fearfully. A flight of steps led deeper into the fortress, and up towards one of the towers, but then suddenly they were going down. Remus knew they were heading for the dungeons, where the highest-security prisoners were kept, away from daylight and fresh air. A terrible fear suddenly gripped him as he realised that the fortress, in sharp contrast to the outside world, was bitterly cold. His breath crystallised in front of him, and he felt himself break into a cold sweat. Strange sounds which made Remus think of sick animals filtered out of the darkness occasionally, and the stone beneath his feet was slick with various moulds. When he reached out to touch the wall, some of the stone crumbled under his fingers, but on closer inspection the walls were reinforced with shimmering enchanted iron posts which were occasionally visible where the stone had eroded most.  
  
It sickened him to think that this was where Sirius was now. The man he had fallen for so quickly and completely now had this dank hell to call home. But of course, the Sirius Black he had known was not the same man they kept here. His Sirius was a loyal, devoted friend, a beautiful man physically and with a heart so pure and innocent that it took a child to understand him. Remus had formed this ideal of Sirius in his head, and separated it firmly from that of the man who betrayed James and murdered Peter. That was a stranger, someone he had never met. No man like that could have tasted so wonderful, felt so smooth and soft and thrilling at his touch. His Sirius was dead, like James and Peter. This new man had killed him too.  
  
He shut his eyes, trying to remember the last time he had seen Sirius alive and himself. It had involved a set of instructions, but he could not – did not wish to – remember them now. All that remained was the memory of the kiss before Sirius walked out of the door. Something in him new it had been a simple kiss, brief, hardly a peck before Sirius ran off to – do what? Respond to James' cry of help? Yes, he must have left with that intention, and on the way had died when this traitor took over. But in Remus' head it was a deep, passionate kiss filled with longing as teeth clashed and tongues entwined and maybe even tears were shed. After that, there was no more left of the man he had loved.  
  
"Not far now," said the guard, when Remus estimated they had been walking for about fifteen solid minutes. He was an older man, but burly and well- muscled, much bigger than Remus and built exactly for this environment. Remus was glad of his company, but not of that of the Dementors, who drifted a passage or two behind them. "Don't mind the smell," the guard added, as they paused at yet another heavy door. He fumbled with the keys on his belt. "That's just some of our more long-term inmates."  
  
The door swung open with an unsatisfying quiet squeak. Remus wanted it to creak loudly and clang rustily against the wall, but someone wanted it to be easy to open in emergencies. And then the guard led him along several more corridors, each lined with black doors. They had little hatches in, and some had bars so Remus could see right in to the cell. From each of these, terrified yet curious faces peered back at him. One or two he recognised as well-known criminals or Death Eaters, and he shuddered, concentrating instead on the back of the guard. He realised suddenly how terrified he was of the prospect of the man leaving him here.  
  
"Black," said the guard suddenly, stopping again. "Sirius." And he pointed at a barred cell on the left hand side of the dank passage.  
  
There was definitely a figure in the cell, but it was hunched in the corner, staring at the wall. When it heard the guard speak, a dull voice croaked out of the dark.  
  
"Go. Away."  
  
"Someone to see you, Mr Black."  
  
Sirius didn't move. "I want. To be left. Alone." His voice fell like slabs of stone. He couldn't seem to muster the energy for a full sentence in one go.  
  
"I'll leave then," said Remus, half turning.  
  
The change in the atmosphere was incredible; Sirius seemed to stop breathing, but he still did not move. After a moment he croaked, "Remus?"  
  
"It's me."  
  
Sirius was on his feet and flinging himself at the bars in one movement. Remus stepped back sharply, and the guard reached for his wand, but Sirius grabbed the bars and stopped, gazing wondrously at Remus.  
  
"You came! I knew you would. Get me out of here Remus. Get me out. Tell them I didn't do it-"  
  
"But you did."  
  
"No!" Sirius suddenly became confused. "You don't know who you're talking to – it's me, Remus. Your Sirius. Me, who loves you. You – they've – something's happened. They've done something to you. Made you forget. You don't believe it all Remus, all the things they're saying . . . I love you . . ." His voice trailed away when he realised Remus wasn't buying any of it. There werewolf stared steadily at him, eyes narrowed slightly, arms folded across his chest.  
  
"Don't lie to me," he growled. "If you can't even admit to what you did, there's no point me being here." He made to turn again, but Sirius let out a desperate howl of agony and tried to lunge through the bars. Remus was a good judge of distance and didn't flinch. Sirius' hand snatched at the air five inches in front of him.  
  
"Don't go! You can't leave me here."  
  
Remus' expression was one of barely hidden disgust. "It's what you deserve. It's better than what you deserve."  
  
"No-"  
  
"Yes! Men like you – You make me ill. You've always been obsessed with your self and your own desires. Couldn't stand that James was better than you, could you? Couldn't handle the fact that he was smarter than you, funnier than you. Couldn't bare to watch him playing happy families while you were stuck with me." Remus was sneering with repulsion, his usually calm face a picture of pure horror and abhorrence.  
  
"James!" Sirius' voice was a whimper now, and he clung to the bars, gazing imploringly at Remus.  
  
"Conscience catching up with you, is it?" snapped Remus. "A bit late for that now. You killed them, you . . ." There wasn't a foul enough word to express his loathing, and his voice trailed into a low growl. Sirius didn't bother holding back his tears and began to sob pathetically, reaching out towards Remus once more. The werewolf let his arms drop to his sides, the disgust draining from his face to be replaced with a weary sadness.  
  
"I loved you," he admitted, his voice heavy now. "I couldn't say it but I felt it. You made me think you felt exactly the same, you . . . You made me leave Lucius. He was cleared of all charges, by the way. Acting under a curse, but then you'd know that. He's donated money to good causes, made every effort to clean up his name. I can't believe I left him for you." He watched Sirius for a moment. The convict was shaking his head, a hopelessly desperate expression on his face. Remus stepped closer and lowered his voice to a whisper, so the guard could not hear him. "All those things you told me. How you lay awake listening to my breathing. . .was that true?"  
  
Sirius gazed up at him as he murmured the words that he had spoken last year: "I love you with a passion so intense that it continues to scare me every single day." For the first time Remus released a sob, a small strangled sound in his throat as tears rolled freely down his cheeks. He strode away from the barred door, burying his face in his hands and trying to wipe his eyes dry. It was like trying to mop up Niagara Falls with a handkerchief.  
  
"Why, Sirius?" His voice cracked as he begged for answers. "We could have been together. Properly, I mean! It was a shambles, I know, but it would have been okay. Why did you ruin everything? Was I not enough for you? Did you have to destroy James' happiness to be happy yourself?"  
  
Sirius said nothing. He could not find the words to sooth and knew proclaiming his innocence would serve no purpose here. The evidence was against him; he could tell Remus that Peter was still alive, but what for? The rat would never be found and Sirius would be a liar in Remus' eyes. All he could do was apologise over and over again as Remus sobbed openly. The guard had long since lost interest, taking himself off to the other end of the corridor to talk to another prisoner, and did not notice when Remus dried his eyes as he walked right up to the bars and, gripping them, pushed his face through as far as it would fit.  
  
"I need to know," he murmured, reaching for Sirius' chin and bringing him nearer. And then he kissed him, hesitantly at first, knowing how stupid and dangerous this was. But as he had said, he had to know if this was what remained of his lover, or whether Sirius really had died and been replaced as his mind's eye insisted.  
  
Sirius smelled and tasted of all the things he ever had, of ash and leather and honey. But now there was something bitter and horrible to him, as if Remus was tasting the fungus on the wall rather than a man's lips and tongue. He wanted to draw away in horror, but Sirius was kissing him desperately back as if Remus were the only real thing left in a world made from smoke and shadows and people's last breaths. It was so familiar, so disturbingly disgustingly horrifyingly the same as the first frantic kiss Sirius had given him, that Remus shoved him away, stepping swiftly back from the bars, and the tears began to flow again.  
  
"Moony," Sirius whimpered weakly, and that was the last, deciding piece of evidence. This was the man Remus had loved. This was what Sirius Black was; this thin, weak, pathetic specimen, this traitor, this murderer, this liar and this destroyer. And Remus could stand to look at him no longer.  
  
"Goodbye, Sirius." 


End file.
